Family Mapping
I’d like to share a helpful visual I call a Family Map, so you can visualize the patterns and behaviors from your family tree. You’ve likely not fallen far from it – no matter elm, oak or fir!
Below you’ll find mine, with more info below to make it all make sense.
Family Mapping is like taking inventory of issues that reappear in the family – each member appears on the Family Map. Once everyone has a spot, starting at least with your grandparents (if you can go back to great-grandparents, even better), use codes to identify issues the reoccur in the family.
Family Mapping is like taking inventory of issues that reappear in the family – each member appears on the Family Map. Once everyone has a spot, starting at least with your grandparents (if you can go back to great-grandparents, even better), use codes to identify issues the reoccur in the family.
The letter codes illustrate behavioral items (and suggest in a sort of shorthand). For example, some simple codes that serve as descriptive are:
A = alcoholism
AB = anorexia/bulimia
ACOA = adult child of an alcoholic
AX = anxiety
CO = compulsive overeating
CODA = codependent behavior
D = drug addiction
DE = depression
F = food
G = gambling
RX = prescription drugs addiction
S = smoking
SX = sex addiction
Your Family Map will have codes under each person’s name to identify the issues that person has struggled with. If the letter is circled, it means that person is in recovery from that particular behavior.Family mapping is helpful in presenting just the facts and helping you come to understand them in a new way.
When properly done, it provides your family history in a single image and patterns will leap out at you. It’s not meant to be used at an excuse for bad behaviors “you can’t help”, but rather, to help you and your family understand how patterns repeat through generations. If you need more help on how to draw your map, watch this video tutorial:
Family Mapping from Brad Lamm on Vimeo.
A first step to claiming your story from a myth that includes blame, shame and guilt is in identifying patterns, then gaining an understanding of how those patterns live in your daily life. Self-defeating patterns aren’t a sign of personal weakness, but there may be a generational piece to them suggests you may be in danger of passing them on as well if you don’t do the work to change them.
Keep your Family Map for your reference, and share it with family members even! “Look what I made: A Family Map!” Refer back to it as needed. You’re doing great.
Take some deep breaths now. You just did some heavy lifting, emotionally and spiritually.
Be very proud of yourself!
